There is times when one can only have faith that there is a light at the end of the Tunnel of life. 
Two days after quitting, Hubby is once again growling and mumbling under his breath. (a lot).
I got my last paycheck today.  The phone bill will be paid for this month. 
Where the money for next months bills, is a big old ?  Which I think is a big reason why he is growling and mumbling again.
Good thing about me quitting is I can start going back to Church with hubby and kids again. 
Once I have settled back into a day routine, AGAIN.
I was once told that a person without struggles isn't ALIVE.
I also remember that same person from above telling me, without hard times one can't grow.
Before we had kids, I can remember hard times.  (It was from that time that I came to HATE Peanut Butter)
The assistant Preacher at our church gave a sermon, about Moses and him leading the others to the promise land.
What stuck in my mind was him talking about the Desert.(Hard Times)
Other then having nothing but Peanut Butter sandwitches for many months to eat,
what I remember the most is it was durning that time me and Hubby formed a very strong bond.
And I know if we hadn't built that bond then, we wouldn't still be together after we had our first child.
We are having hard times now, but there is also good things coming out of this.
Hubby is building bonds with our son and daughter that he hadn't had time to do in the past.
There are more important things in life then money.  Money makes things easier, I won't argue with you there.
But friendships built in the darkest and hardest of times ensures that when another hard time comes,
you know while everyone is fleeing from you that friend is fighting everyone to get to your side.
When you let a person see the real you, in your Hard Time they will either flee or step up and give you a hand.
Give you a encourage word, or even a much need hug or shoulder to cry on.
A set of eyes to look at the problem from a different angle that you can't see.

A Local Church has a sign out front that say:
Nothing is to Hard for God.
There is another Church that their sign reads.
1st side-God give me Patients
2nd side-And I WANT it NOW!!!  (I like subing want for need)

Ever asked yourself  "WHY ME?"
Why is this happening to me?
  Your not alone.  I ask myself at least a dozen times a day.

I may not see a hint of light at the end of the Tunnel,
but I've lived 35yrs and I know if I can just hang in there long enough, a hint will appear.
It may be just a flicker for brief moment but that little flicker gives me the strength to hang in there a little longer.

(I have a piece of paper that I carry in my back pocket,
and when I find myself becoming over whelmed with things.  I pull it out and start reading it over and over.
Or Outloud if I find I am by myself.)

I am Nature's Greatest Miracle.
I am a Rare, Unique Creature of Nature.

Sounds dumb doesn't it?  Well I dated that piece of paper and the date is 2-26-07.
There are more little phrases on that piece of paper I keep in my back pocket.(Will tell you others at a later date)
Hubby refers to that piece of paper as my security blanket. 
I don't disagree with him.  IT has become my security blanket.  I am not ashamed to tell you that.
I don't walk out the front door without checking to make sure it's in my right back pant's pocket.
  I don't know about you, but with me being mentally ill.  I have to put my mind to work on building MY SELF-ESTEEM.
I even pulled that piece of paper out to help me with my struggle against panic attacks, and with my having that job,
I was having at least 5 a day.  The piece of paper gave me a focus for my racing thoughts during an attack.
I will say for not having any serious panic attacks for serval years and for them to start occuring again was like an 18wheeler
hitting me.  Working my muscles to stay relax and enough air moving to keep myself from passing out was easy, but the new over whelming racing thoughts,
was difficult to deal with.  It was by accident that I yanked the paper out of my back pocket and started reading it over and over trying to get my mind to get off all the things it was coming up with, about what could go wrong.
I mention in a post earlier that I was working on my self-esteem.  Which is why I had it in my back pocket to start with.

The self-esteem excerise I was doing was that if I found myself with a free moment to pull the paper out and read it over and over, be it outloud of to myself.
As many times as I read it over and over each day, you would think I would have them all memorized by now.  I only have 10 total on my paper.
But for me I tend to not remember what I did an hour ago.  I figure around 2-26-08 I won't have to pull the paper out to look at.    

So copy, or write:

I am Nature's Greatest Miracle.
I am a Rare, Unique Creature of Nature.

When you get up in the morning read them over 10 times, then read them 10 times before you go to sleep.
Any time you find yourself (like in an elevator, passagner seat) pull the piece of paper out and read it over and over until
you get to your floor, or to where your riding to.  You will want to do this for 30 days.  I will tell you the next two to add next month.
What do you have to lose?  What are you doing in the elevator any way?  Your standing there waiting to get to your floor.  Your not driving, and your mind is wondering anyway.  Why not give your thoughts some direction?

In the times before America was colonized.  The Indians had never seen a sea vessel before.  Their minds didn't know what a sea vessel was and they didn't have any idea a ship could be so big.
The only thing they knew was their little canoes they used up and down the rivers.  It is said that the first Indian to see a sea canoe, spent many days sitting on the sea shore.
Trying to figure out what was causing the strange occurance to the sea.  He had spent many days sitting on the shore watching the waters, but once his mind saw what was causing the strang occurance to the sea.
He called his son to him, and pointed out to the sea telling his son about the big sea canoe.    It is said the man spent at least a week or more on trying to see the sea vessel.  It took his son, only for his father to point out the sea canoe for him to see it.

I hope you caught a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel.

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So I’ll say.
Thanks for stopping by and reading my very long ramblings.
Thanks for leaving your mark.
Hope you have a good day, evening or night which ever may be your case.
bb